We Watched ‘Bitch I’m Madonna’ so You Don’t Have To

Madonna’s star-studded music video for “Bitch I’m Madonna” dropped on Tidal this morning and certainly delivered on its promise of bringing a level of celebrity involvement to rival Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood” music video. For those of you who still refuse to make Jay Z and his famous cohorts richer by signing up for Tidal, we watched the video so you don’t have to.

The video appears to be set in a hotel full of Moschino-clad club kids. Madonna runs through the hotel’s crowded halls coming upon shirtless men, colorfully-clad scenesters half her age and a smattering of celebrities, including Chris Rock, Alexander Wang, Rita Ora and more. Other celebrity appearances appear to have been pre-recorded separate from the video – like Beyoncé, Kanye West, Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus’ short cameos. Nicki Minaj, who appears on the track, resurrects her pink wig of yore in the video. Also: there are sock puppets.

Madonna is certainly a legend, but we can’t help but see this display as a bit of an attempt to show that she’s still hip and with it at 56. We get it. Madge wants to fight ageism and show that you can be down at any age. Still, we couldn’t help but get a certain vibe from the video, that of your newly-divorced auntie forcing you to take her for a night out on the town because she just signed those papers and she is ready to embrace her life as a middle-aged single lady – Beyoncé style. Of course, you can be cool no matter how old you are but whether you’re 16 or 56, trying to be cool is never what’s hot in the streets.

Check out some screenshots from the video below.