Let’s hope that the Water for Elephants team finds a way to conceal Reese Witherspoon’s disgust and edit out Robert Pattinson’s mucus, but if they don’t manage to, Keanu Reeves hopes that you’ll get your bawdy kicks from his newest film, Henry’s Crime. “I hope, actually, that [the viewers] go out afterwards and have some nice romantic sex,” says Reeves. Which, oy, two things: 1) Here’s the synopsis for the film: “Released from prison for a crime he didn’t commit, an ex-con targets the same bank he was sent away for robbing.” That’s definitely the least erotic sentence I’ve ever read. 2) I mean, Keanu Reeves is basically a eunuch, as far as I’m concerned. He’s like, cryogenically frozen. Which definitely isn’t on my list of turn-ons, but I guess whatever floats your boat? Actually, no. Come on: “nice romantic sex?” Who says that? I’ll tell you who: young men that are trying WAY too hard. [DailyStab]
Now that Scarlett Johansson moved in with Sean Penn I officially couldn’t be any more jealous of her. The pair has been spending their afternoons jogging on the beach with their next door neighbor, a little-known malcontent that goes by the name of Owen Wilson, and getting frisky at restaurants. [Starcasm] For a little while, there were some rumors that ScarJo was pregnant with Penn’s baby, but thankfully, those turned out to be untrue. It really would have been too much for me to handle. If a ScarJo-Penn baby ever does happen, I’m going to have to escape civilization and move to the rain forest. You’ve been warned. [RightCelebrity]
