John Oliver is many things: comedian, actor, political commentator, television host and Donald Drumpfinator, to name a few.
But now, it seems, we can add “fashion innovator” to that list, thanks to a new webisode of his hit series Last Week Tonight, in which he demands the immediate existence of “bread pants”.
“Why do we not yet have bread pants?” IRL British Milhouse asks during the segment, which flips the premise of his regular How is that still a thing? segment on its head to question humanity’s lack of advancement in the arena of doughy duds by asking “How is that not a thing?”
The bespectacled funnyman pitches the delicious design as one part necessity, one part #fashun statement, explaining that bread pants “are, of course, sweat pants, but made of bread.”
“In my experience, when you’re wearing sweatpants, you are concurrently eating something messy, like a plate of nachos or a fistful of hummus,” he explains. “Now, with bread pants, if you spill, you don’t wash the pants—you simply tear a piece off the leg and eat that too, how are those not a thing?!”
The idea is, of course, genius. Nothing crumby about it.
Obviously, there’d be some design flaws to knead out before bread pants could expand into the inevitable wholemeal, multigrain and of course gluten-free ranges, such as bird repellent technology to stop your nethers from getting mass-pecked by swarms of street pigeons.
But if you ask us, a crusty crotch is a small price to pay for the delicious smell of fresh-baked bread pants on a cold winter’s morn, keeping your hot crossed buns toasty and your tummy full as you chow down on your condiment or liquid-based meal of choice in style.
Besides, if Lady Gaga can wear a meat dress, then John Oliver can surely rock a hot set of bread pants.
